The Focused Decision Maker
One of the heavier aspects of blogging, I’m quickly realizing, is choosing a topic for any given day. Like any human, (especially lawyers — if you consider us fully human), there is much on my mind at any given moment. I enjoy exploring my struggles publicly, as it’s very difficult to live without humility when you’ve shown the world your flaws. But, as much as I can tell from the feedback given to me about this blog, non-Ryan issues seem to be quite popular as well. The estimable Justin Wise of bedeviant.com has stated in his writings that it’s important for a blogger to focus — I’m still looking for mine. And to be honest, I don’t know when I’ll find it…but it’ll probably find me. For now, this is my exploration of myself and the things that exist predominantly in my life. My goal is to be forthright about the way I see things, and with time, I hope that I’ll have an active comments section where people can question me, relate to me, or help me explore. My secondary goal is to share what I’ve learned and what I’ve seen, that others may grow from my experiences — both good and bad. Basically, I’m just going to sit down and write to see what comes out. But I will remain steadfast that this space will be about intimacy, integrity and edification — for me and for my reader.
So why the pursuit of intimacy, integrity and edification, even when it won’t hold me in the best light? I believe that when we’re intellectually and emotionally isolated, we’ll suffer from many infirmities: fear, anger, numbness, resentment, bitterness, depression, hopelessness. Not because we are doomed to have those feelings, but because we’re so incredibly able to deceive ourselves. Deceive ourselves into thinking we don’t need community, that we don’t need help, that we don’t need love, that we don’t need a savior. But when we share ourselves openly with others, the lies that seemed so logical in our internal monologue don’t seem to make much sense in our external dialogue. Ultimately, we all suffer from the same things, but we’re convinced that we’re the only ones that are “that fucked up” because we see our circumstances as making us exceptional. That, however, is the deception of our own mind trying to insulate us from discomfort and reality. But it acts like a cancer, not an immunization.
My wife recently tweeted: “I got the gift God gave me a while ago. Thing is, I just opened it up a year ago.” If you’ve read my other posts, you don’t have to be Dr. Phil to figure out that Angie and I were in a very bad place in 2009. But the issues of our marriage weren’t really about our marriage; our issues were based in how we saw ourselves. It wasn’t until that healing occurred internally that we were able to come to our marriage with the ability to have a relationship based on intimacy, integrity, and edification. I’d love to tell you that the process was puppy dogs and ice cream, but frankly, it was hard and it sucked. Yet I can tell with 100% confidence that I wouldn’t have traded the experience for the world. Without it, I’d have never entered intimacy with God, I never would have been healed and I never would have had a marriage of strength based on our willingness to be vulnerable to each other.
When you have that kind of track record with intimacy, integrity, and edification, you realize it’s not a relationship without it. It is that amazing. So that’s why this blog will remain about those three principles — through good and bad times — because what I’m really after is healthy relationships. I want the people in my life to know me and I want to know them. It’s the best gift I can ever give someone, loving someone enough to be vulnerable and to show them how one relationship getting healthy can change all their relationships to make them more healthy.
Wait…I think I found my focus.