I’ve failed. My first ever foray into the moustache world lasted 18 days before I removed it. Why you ask? Was it the ridicule? No. I provide plenty of attributes for someone to ridicule me about, the Mo didn’t really change the amount of ridicule I receive. My son’s desire to pet my upper lip whenever my face was within arm’s length? No, it was actually quite humorous to see him put his WTF? face on. A newly acquired sense of being pro-prostate cancer? No. What ultimately led to the undoing of my Mo was the fact that it was annoying. At a claustrophobia inducing level of annoying. When I put on my mask to run a few nights ago and had Mo hairs tickling my nostrils, poking me in the cheek and curling over my lip, I’d had enough. So, I’ll spend the rest of No-Shave November with a neatly trimmed beard. If someone dies from prostate cancer because my premature Mo removal denied them of the awareness they needed, then I apologize and I’ll buy that person’s immediate lineal descendants a coffee to reveal my sorrow. Seriously, though, how can people stand having prickly hairs of that length? No wonder the NHL playoffs get so chippy.
I used to have a boss that thought my quirks were hilarious. I don’t find them funny, but then again, I’ve always had them. They seem to dwindling these days as my energy in keeping them up continues to be zapped by my children. Regardless, I’ll always have a few weird rules/decision factors for myself. Here’s the top 8 I’m most likely to invoke (and if you know me fairly well, you know why this is a list of 8 instead of 10).
1. I don’t wear a base layer article of clothing until it’s been washed.
2. I have to shower on a day before working out. So, when I was doing 5:15 AM Farrell’s, I was showering every morning before hand. Now, when I run at night, my morning shower is sufficient. I don’t like being dirty before I begin sweating.
3. Pork? Very rarely. Mashed potatoes? Even more rarely. Mayo? Never. If you plan on eating tartar sauce in my presence, expect me to not stand within smelling distance of you. If you’re in a car I own, then expect to eat while holding your head and sandwich out the window. If we’re on the interstate on the way to Kansas City, driving 80 mph, tough shit.
4. Excessively long hairs in places where I don’t typically have excessively long hair? Infuriatingly distracting. Same with fingernails of different lengths or spot missed while shaving.
5. Socks with the seam at the end of the toe rather than on top of the toe? Never. Seriously, who can handle this?
6. Boxers that coordinate with socks and undershirt? Obviously.
7. Wear black and yellow together as the primary colors on my clothing? Never. Purple and yellow? Less often than never — there’s no message that can be taken from this combination that is positive.
8. Text shorthand and acronyms? Nope.
Have any rules for life that make you unique? Please share.